Obituary: To the father who never was.


Life is not that short. Live it as you wish to be remembered. We have all been granted the gifts of time, love and life; how we use them is our business and ours alone. It is not the choices we make which define us. At the end of the day, it is how we make them which determines the kinds of people we grow to be. My father made his, and I have made mine. I chose to forgive.


















My father - the man I hated for as far back as I can remember - has died.













I hated him because he hated me. It sounds petty, but it's true. What man goes through life without once calling to check on his offspring? What man is a man who does not raise his children to be better than what he was?

In a sense, he fulfilled the latter question: I now know the kind of father I do not wish to be. I made that promise to myself a long time ago - my children will know who I am and I will know them. Whether I can stomach to be around their mother or not; through the good times and the bad.











My father - the man I now forgive - is no longer alive to torment my waking hours and fuel my rage.











The one thing I will miss most about him being alive is the raw anger and hatred towards him that made writing that much easier for me. I write because I feel, and feel what I write. Most of the great artists will tell you that their work comes from a very dark place in the doldrums of their hearts and souls - I'm not that different in that respect. I write from anger. I take all that hurts me and mold words from it: words that entertain, amuse and guide those who need them most. I mold them for myself - to help me deal with me. I now fear the possible drought of words that may follow forgiving him for all the years he lived not caring how I was; not caring whether I lived or died.

I forgive him, but I will not so easily forget. I cannot forget.










My father - the man who was never a father - has died. He never earned my respect, never deserved my tears or wanted me - but he was still my father. May my forgiveness guide his soul to heaven.







I wish his spirit peace.

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