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Balance - the story of my life. Who I am, was or ever will be depends heavily on my sense of inner balance. Possibly the most important thing I have learned this entire year is the importance of a clear, sober mind in times of great tribulation.  Sobriety, not only in the terms of being absent from the influence of intoxicative substances - but also from detaching one's mind from as many exterior influences as humanly possible.  The only way in which this can be achieved efficiently is through gaining a solid knowledge of yourself. My journey to learning about who I really am has only just begun.  I have seen the possible futures that lie ahead of me.  The gates to the rest of my life have since been opened, paving the way for a self-exploratory adventure of a lifetime.  I have taken steps toward horizons which I once thought to be naught but impractical and desperate attempts at filling the voids within the disfunctional hearts, and have found that my own previous misconcei

"I keep dancing on my own . . ." Chapter 3 Not a day goes by when each living person does not undergo some form of trial or another.  In most cases, days alternate from good to bad in uncontrolable oscillations.  My case is not at all exempt from this fact of life - only slightly different, slightely more extreme.  I found myself experiencing points of utterly over-extentuated joviality which often subsided into complete dispondency within hours on the realization that I had nobody to share my happiness with.  And so I have been caught between the two extreme emotional poles for near the entirety of this year . . .  It is not until most recently that I have discovered that I can detatch myself from the influences of society, not by seclusion and isolation, but rather by means of meditation and self-awareness.  I later discovered my "zen zone", which I will admit has been a blessing during this examination period.  I had thus found a means of coping with the har

http://www.iol.co.za/news/politics/ancyl-finds-cracks-in-suspensions-1.1175844 ANCYL president Julius Malema. Photo: Chris Collingridge This makes for an interesting pondering of what the future of South African politics may play out. Should the appeal against the subsequently imposed suspension from the African National Congress on ANC Youth League President,   Julius Malema , or any further misjudged act of passion by him in the nearby foreseeable future result to his expulsion from the ANC, would he and his supporters  be in any form of political standing to break off from the party and succeed where COPE has undoubtedly failed? ANC Youth League president Julius Malema has been suspended for five years Pictures: ELIZABETH SEJAKE I wonder, should it come to that, would he be in good stead to becoming the country's next president - as I assume is any mainstream political figure's main game? I mean, this is where the question becomes one of whether the loyalty and su

Chapter 1: "Hi, I'm Handsome!" O-week, 2011. My first night here at Rhodes was quite very solitary.  There was a massive mare (Rhodent lingo for "party" - or anything and everything else, really) going on upstairs and I, still feeling quite alone in me room, not knowing anyone at all, retired early that night. The following day was a Sunday well spent bonding with my new housemates and learning the lyrics to a rather crude version of Bonnie Taylor's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" as well as some rather girly Spice-Girl song that went "If you wanna be my lover" or something of that nature.  We went out that night for the first time.  It was also the night I met my friends Devon (the martial-artist whom I still count as a friend, regardless of the many clashes which we have had throughout the course of the year), Aaron (the greatest gay guy you will ever encounter!  He is the one who told me Sisanda's real name after I had met her o

Around this time, last year, I had mad dreams in my head about the euthopia I was about to journey to ... and then I got to Rhodes University, and my life did a whole 180 degree turn more for the worse than for the better. I was never a heavy smoker, nor was I much of a drinker.  But that all changed when I got here.  I reached a point where I smoked the equivalent of two boxes of cigarettes a day and drank from the morning till the wee hours of the evening - when I would subsequently pass out.  The reason to this is simple:  my idealized euthopia, my land of redemption from an impeding lifetime of mediocrity had I stayed in Pretoria had turned into my own little hell. The only escape I saw possible lay at the bottom of a very deep mug of sherry, a bottom I only saw once my wallet had run as dry as the bottles that surrounded me.  With each drag of nicotine and tar I inhaled came a satisfactory release as I exhaled all my problems into the atmosphere.  I felt lonliness and pain of

http://edition.cnn.com/2011/10/26/world/europe/uk-winehouse-inquest/index.html http://live.drjays.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Amy-Winehouse.jpg "A pathologist told a coroner's court in north London that alcohol toxicity was the cause of the 27-year-old's death, with her blood-alcohol levels measured at more than five times the legal limit for driving." - CNN 08/11/2011 Why isn't this just interesting! . . . . . . . . . Ok, I'm lying.  It's not.  I was honestly never a fan, nor have I ever thought of her voice as particularly brilliant.  Amy Winehouse has always been just another famous person to me.  I'm sorry that she had to go out this way.  I may have never related to her through her music, but her tale is one which I am all to familiar with - though I, myself, have not yet succumbed to such a drastic extremity. Alcohol is no toy.  It's no joke getting ploughed every other night!  For one, there's the chunder-storm that e

http://www.iol.co.za/tonight/news/international/bieber-paternity-test-draws-near-1.1173312 http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/11/02/article-0-0EA31DBF00000578-336_468x634.jpg Say what you will about pop-sensation, Justin Bieber, but he is officially NOT GAY, as has been suggested by many a hater over the past couple of years as he rose to the top.  Though this might not have been the very best of ways to go about proving his macho-ism, really! Honestly, a sex scandal trumps a baby scare in my opinion.  If it were to surface many years from now that Justin Bieber had participated in unprotected sexual intercourse in a bathroom stall with Ms Mariah Yeater, yeah, the media would have a huge field day with it - but at least there would not be a baby as evidence.  Now, however, there is one - quite possibly (for his sake I truly hope not!).  So now not only does he have the media to deal with, but when it pales through that Ms Yeater's baby really is his, then I would not be surp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI-o25K6B-E&ob=av2n I wish I had lights to guide me home now more than ever - or someone, anyone, who cares enough to attempt to fix me.  The beauty of being me is that I truly am a loser. But what sets me apart from the common bum on the street corner begging for loose change, biding his time until he can snatch a cellular phone from a little primary school girl - whom I maintain should not have one in the first place - stupid enough to walk around with it in hand, is that I cannot afford to fail THAT badly in my life. My epic quest, my great adventure depends on my clearing off from this dreadful, miserable hole of a town (Oh, I'm in Rhodes University, Grahamstown, Eastern Cape.  That's in South Africa, to those who are as geographically challenged as myself.  And no, I don't have a pet lion - I'm not a fan [allusion to the crappest rugby team in South Africa]). All I need is a girlfriend, but it seems there aren't many g

http://www.iol.co.za/news/politics/dept-ready-for-matric-exams-1.1143017 According to a report on IOLnews, a total of 6540 examination centres will be set up for this year's matric exams, Basic Education Minister Angie Motshekga said on Thursday. But how many of them will pass and get into a University?  From my personal experience, passing matric is farely simple.  Just plan right, work hard and hope for the very best.  But for me it wasn't about passing at all, it was about getting my University entrance. Everybody wants to go to University, but not everyone gets that opportunity and the question is why? The answer is simple: planning!  If you plan ahead and are willing to make certain sacrifices, then my dear matriculants, the very sky is the limit!  It's not about marks - it's about planning right!  I, for one, was never very academically inclined.  I just had a plan.  So get a plan, says I.

I am Lebsie, and this is my story. I thought it would be a good idea to take Chinese as an arb for my first year in Rhodes University . . . Yeah, that was as brilliant an idea as taking English Literature was! Excuse the sarcasm, but I really have had enough of all the bullshit I have had to lap up over the months. I am a journalist.  NO, I do not get paid.  YES, that means that  I work for free.  NO, I am not insane!  YES, I have been chronically mentally destabilized by Grahamstown ...  I am a journalist. I am an actor - and I will not be going through that yes/no tosh again because I rate It makes me sound a bit unhinged . . .  what I will say is that all this pales in light of insignificance that I am yet again broken, sober and in dire need of a smoke! I am currently at the office, done with all my work and bored silly!  What do journalists do once their stories have been filed?  Well, i'm finding that out now!

i once met a girl who had a strange dream of a title she meant to use but then along i came i stole that dream away her trust i did abuse but now i confess my thinking was amiss, no creative ness just one big fake mess! her heart i broke now in my lies i choke unintentional, but severe to my penalty i shal adhere for she is my friend and so i'd like things to stay, id hate if 'twas to end bitter id be, tha's true...

I am concussed - and yet i see things more clearly than i think i have ever done before.  Yes, she's a bit older than i am. Yes, this here - grahamstown - this is her playground.  This is her castle... And i am at her every whim! But dammit, im not a quiter!  so help me God i will rise from this ordeal and earn my spot beside her... i dunno how long itl last for, but last it will... will i give up when the going gets tough? not this time... I, Lebsie le Awesomish, will never give in or up!  i will live my life...