Prologue



Around this time, last year, I had mad dreams in my head about the euthopia I was about to journey to ... and then I got to Rhodes University, and my life did a whole 180 degree turn more for the worse than for the better.

I was never a heavy smoker, nor was I much of a drinker.  But that all changed when I got here.  I reached a point where I smoked the equivalent of two boxes of cigarettes a day and drank from the morning till the wee hours of the evening - when I would subsequently pass out.  The reason to this is simple:  my idealized euthopia, my land of redemption from an impeding lifetime of mediocrity had I stayed in Pretoria had turned into my own little hell.

The only escape I saw possible lay at the bottom of a very deep mug of sherry, a bottom I only saw once my wallet had run as dry as the bottles that surrounded me.  With each drag of nicotine and tar I inhaled came a satisfactory release as I exhaled all my problems into the atmosphere.  I felt lonliness and pain of such an extreme magnitude as what I never in my life thought I would experience.  The moment came where I fully comprehended why some took it so far as to commit the greatest of sins: murder of the self.

That was the moment I thanked God most for making me a coward.

I can blame all my problems on this place, but I will not.  I know that the biggest fault of all lies within myself.  A problem which I cannot fix, run from or ignore.  That problem stares back at me from behind every mirror.  I see it walking beside me in shop windows and I hear it respond in my voice when I'm called upon or summoned.  I invented this problem myself.  And like a cancer it seems to have multiplied itself within me.  I feel it in my heart as I lie alone in bed at night.

I created it, gave it life.  I named it!

Lebsie Le Awesomish.

That is where this story began - with a name ...
. . .
. . .
. . .

To be continued...!


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