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My world has spiraled out of control. It seems that the more I try find some or other form of happiness, the faster the walls around me close in on me. All I want is to find contentedness within myself - yet all I manage to walk into are doors leading to nowhere. They say varsity's the best times of our lives - but I've known more heartache and suffering than joy over the past two years here. Someday, it wall all be okay. That's what I keep telling myself. On this very day, however, that last sentence means absolute toad-shit to me. Annabelle and I are still friends - although it pains me seeing her with her lover. My academics have deteriorated at a very rapid pace, and I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I was happy. I've tried - but I honestly can't. But it's like I said, someday it will all be okay. Love, Christopher.

Diary Entry 1 It's never been the heart that walks away from a bad situation completely shattered. Every day of lives, through good and bad experiences - the plethora of bullshit, surrounded by moments of sheer joviality - there lies a common factor in every scenario, every endeavor, every moment we find ourselves enslaved by: the soul...   I sat there tonight with Annabelle pondering internally whether this woman had a heart at all. It was not until the final moments of our visit where I realized that I had been grappling with the wrong question. It is not her heart that has been broken, it's her spirit - her will to be a better person has been tarnished by the cruelties of this world.   There are certain things she said which I will take with me to the grave; things that will haunt me until my last hour. Letting go of her is one of the hardest things I ever had to do - but the latter would have resulted in a catastrophic explosion which would have destroyed me. S

I've never been a winner. It's a reality I have to deal with every minute of every single day spent on a constant bullshit spree that doesn't really capture the truth of who I am. Who am I? This is a story that dates back to a moment when my life changed completely. Flashback >>>DECEMBER 2011<<< Flashback Congratulations, Mr Tlou. You have been provisionally accepted into the Journalism and Media Studies 2 course for the year 2012. Back to reality!!!!!!!! My life changed quite rapidly from that afternoon onwards. I made the conscious decision to drink a lot less and become the ideal student. I had been afforded a second chance to make right the ills I had committed in that extremely eventful year. I came back to Rhodes, a reasonably changed man. The thing about change is that ... well, is that it's not easy to keep at. "If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on being what you've always been. Nothing ch